Adventures of the Supersized 6

So I watched this movie with Jennifer Garner, "13 going on 30". It is a cute movie about a girl who on her 13th birthday has a joke played on her by the "cool" kids and hurts her best friends (his name is Matt) feelings. While in a closet she says she wishes she were "30, flirty, and successful" which is an article she read in her mom's magazine. She wakes fast forwarding the last 17 years and she is now 30, flirty and successful. Her "best friend" is one of the "cool" girls. Trying to make sense of it all she trackes down Matt to fill in the blank. When she realizes that since she was 13 her life to a twist to be every thing she wanted. She was "cool" and had it all, except Matt. They stopped being friends and he was getting ready to marry another girl. She soon realizes that it cost her family, her best friend Matt, and most of all her self in the process. She doesn't like the person she had, or I guess could become. In the end she realizes that being 30, flirty and succesful stinks if you don't like yourself, and she loved Matt because he was the same as he was at 13. She makes a wish the same way she did to become 30 and she is back to herself at 13 (in 1987 to which I loved!) and she does things the right way and.... well as they say, lived hapily ever after.

I watched this movie the same evening I had talked with a good friend I had in High School. We were talking about "old times" and about the things we did, and who we knew those many moons ago. I had little desire to go to my reunion at either high school I attended, even though I was curious to see how some people turned out. My friend said she couldn't stomach it, after less than an hour she left. Could it be that bad? She said she heard people talking about myspace and blogs. So we decided to attend our own reunion in our own way, myspace. There is a feature that allows you to see members listed by the school they attended, and even the year they graduated. So we set out to check up on those we were the most curious about. After seeing what all the girls we knew were up to, we set out to check up on the old flames. What did we see in them? It turned out to be a loaded question. I ended up feeling a mix of emotions. It had been a while since I had seen those faces, and had heard the stories. "Remeber that one time..." is never a good start to a story from my younger days. I felt disbelief that I was actually that person. Did I do those things? Say those things? Be those things? How could I have liked myself back then? How did others like me? I was ashamed of myself, embarassed that I really didn't remember who I was until it was back in my face.

To be honest it is all a blur to me. It felt like a Tarantino movie. I was trying to piece together the clips in my head of how I got to where I am today. I remember bits and pieces of my actions, and my words, I remember times with my friends and my relationships. What did I see in those guys? I started to think of the person I would have been had I stayed in a particular relationship. Each one had a very bad scenario. One of those guys is now the owner of a well lets just say an establishment that caters to the male population. How could I have been involved with someone who would become that person? After I chronologically put back the pieces I had left in my memory I came to where I am today.

I don't know why my husband was drawn to me, I was a horrible person when he met me. But I was drawn to him in a fierce way, the Holy Spirit drew us together. Against all odds we have made it work. I think we work better than any other couple I have seen. We have both grown into these people who are so vastly different than those two people who met 10+ years ago. The journey to bo who I am now was rough, and equally as painful to remember. But the destination has been so worth it. What is even cooler is that my journey is not over. There is always room for improvement, and my faith, and the spirit will work on that. I am like an "Extreme Make Over: Life Edition". I think I can be ashamed of who I was, and for my actions and choices. But to say that I would go back and change it, or that it hasn't impacted who I am today is wrong. Each mis-step was a lesson into what I was going to avoid the next day.

I know now more than ever that I am heading in the right direction, it is OK to be ashamed of the me-past, like the me-now, and to strive to make the me-tomorrow better. I am married to the most amazing man, and we were drawn to each other for a reason. Marriage isn't all that much work if it is done right! Now that I am "30, (not so) flirty, and successful (in the ways that are important)" I would not want to go back to be that 13 year old to change things. I might whisper in her ear to go to youth group more, and to hang on, she'll eventually get it right!


TLM